Find Your Heart Matches
There will be times in your life when you will meet someone…. whether as a friend, or someone you may want to date, or someone you will be sure is your “forever” person, and they will not be in the same place you are in.
They might be truly amazing people, with generous, loving hearts, and when you are around them, you may think they have a magic about them. And maybe they do.
But, when you are in a healthy enough place in your life, you’ll understand and accept that no matter how great they are, and how incredible you are (and you ARE incredible), the relationship just won’t “catch.”
In the beginning of any relationship, one person may be more invested. They may message more, or call more, or be the one who suggests spending time together. It’s like pushing the starter button on a car, to see if you hear the engine turn over. You may be excited about all of the places you’ll go together, the things you will talk about and do, and the amazing bond you’ll form.
And it may just not happen.
If you’re lucky, you’ll know the difference. You’ll know what it feels like when someone’s face lights up when they see you. Or, like when my friend Rebecca knows I am flying back to Kansas City, and her messages are full of excitement about the things she has been waiting to do with me, and when you have friends who message you on the holidays or during football playoff games (like I am watching right now), because you are just in their hearts, and it makes them smile to share life with you.
And the difference, is the silence you may experience from everyone else, during all of these times.
You may spend some of your life wanting people to want to be in your life, and you will look for little signs to convince yourself they care about you, and that they just have a different way of showing it. That may even be true.
BUT, more likely than not, you are playing games with your own heart. When someone wants to know you, they reach out. When someone wants to spend time with you, they invite you to spend time with them. Maybe you'll watch movies together, or take a drive, or grab coffee, or just sit in complete quiet together just because the like having your company. Other times, may jump into some new adventure together. Whatever it is, if they are invested in you in a way that has created a new “life,” which is really what each relationship becomes, you will know. Your heart will be full, and calm, not confused, or trying to put things in a “best light.”
As you get to a certain place in your life, you have to be strong enough to know what your heart needs, and what makes you feel valued and loved and happy. And you need to keep moving yourself to the places and people where you feel that.
I have spent far too many days, months, and years, finding reasons to believe in people who were always toxic. That is a whole different topic, for a different day.
This is about figuring out when you have met a really great person, who just doesn’t have a place for you. They may be too busy working on their own lives, or they may not feel interested in you in the ways they need in their life, at least at that moment. You may just not be a fit.
And there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It just means you owe it to yourself, to make a choice.
If that person still tickles you in some way, and they treat you well, you have to decide if you can adjust your investment in the relationship, so that you are not taking ANY time away from moving your own world forward, and opening new doors. You cannot allow yourself to get stuck. And if you cannot do that…. Because there will be times in your life when you are not in the greatest place, and you will want the friendship and love and company you are sure that person is meant to offer…. You HAVE TO believe the universe knows things you don’t know. You HAVE TO be brave enough to break your own heart and know that if you do that, and move forward, you will keep growing your life. You will keep those great friends you have made, in a way that is right and healthy and balanced for both of you, but you’ll be able to keep your attention on the people who’s light and excitement about you, matches your energy for them. And it’s the only way you’ll have the capacity to allow new amazing things in.
Regret is the worst thing you will ever have to deal with. You’ll regret the awesome things you never dared to try, but you will also regret things never meant for you, that you wallowed in for too long.
Whether you have a support system to make it easier, or you have to go through a dark and cold, and possibly excruciating time alone, you have to always have enough hope, and enough courage, to prevent you from settling.
Fight for your happy, no matter what it takes. Do not settle.